


Hey my gays, let's play volleyball

by Animoodle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Humor, Lev is too tall, M/M, everyone being whipped idiots, godDAMNIT CONFESS, hinata is a sunshine, is there any point of me continuing with these tags??, lets hope this is funny, my children deserve love, protect this child
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25182550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animoodle/pseuds/Animoodle
Summary: Sugamama created cawcawmotherfuckas
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, maybe more who knows - Relationship
Comments: 38
Kudos: 191





	1. cawcawmotherfuckas

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm not funny, but i've been reading too many fanfictions and bingeing(?) too many animes to care

**Sugamama** created  **cawcawmotherfuckas**

**Sugamama** added **SadDad, Manbun, baldbutnot, AsahiProtectionUnit, human tangerine, milk, floaty, Saltyheadphones, enno(shit)a, Uzumaki**

**Saltyheadphones:** ew what the fuck is this

**Saltyheadphones:** get it away from me

**Sugamama:** watch your goddamn mouth bitch

**Sugamama:** remove your headphones and spend time with the family :)

**Sugamama:** (＾▽＾)

**AsahiProtectionUnit:** suga-san’s personality swap is smth i will never get used to

**AsahiProtectionUnit:** im not even joking

**AsahiProtectionUnit:** one minute you're basically tsukishima and the next you're shoyo jfc

**Baldbutnot:** lmAO

**enno(shit)a:** its fucking terrifying

**enno(shit)a:** once me, daichi-san and suga-san were playing a game of uno and i shIT YOU NOT

**enno(shit)a:** suGA-SAN BECAME SO AGGRE SSIVE HE TURNE D INTO SATAN WHEN HE SAW DAICHI-SAN’S +4 CARD

**enno(shit)a:** and liKE A MINUTE LSTER i aske d if he could pass me a cookie from near him anD HE BACAME COTTON CANDY AGAIN WHAT THE HELL

**SadDad:** i'm not going to lie istg i was going to pee my pants just looking at suga in that game

**Sugamama:** stop being so overdramatic

**Sugamama:** im not like that

**Sugamama:** right, hinata, kageyama? Yamaguchi?

**floaty:** i honestly have no idea how i should respond to this

**milk:** daichi-san save us

**human tangerine:** ehhhhh

**Sugamama:** wow i see how it is

**Sugamama:** guess ill just go cry in a corner

**human tangerine:** noooooo!! Sugawara-sannn!!

**human tangerine:** dont leave!!

**AsahiProtectionUnit:** how is daichi-san going to cope without you?   
  


**SadDad:** should i be offended?

**Manbun:** just go with the flow

**Sugamama:** (*≧∀≦*) awwww thats tru <3

**Sugamama:** i could never abandon my children!!

**human tangerine:** (≧▽≦)

**SadDad:** im glad that’s resolved

**SadDad:** Now!! Onto more important business 

**human tangerine:** bakageyama

**milk** : what boke

**human tangerine:** throw me some tosses!!!

**milk:** dumbass i dont even know where you are

**baldbutnot:** constantly in your thought s i BET ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

**AsahiProtectionUnit:** and you cant even deny ET 

**baldbutnot:** cuz you know youd be lyEN’

**AsahiProtectionUnit:** ryuu my bro

**baldbutnot:** b r o

**AsahiProtectionUnit:** b r o

**SadDad:** so much for important business

**Saltyheadphones:** dear god what have i done to deserve this much suffering

**AsahiProtectionUnit:** you say that but we know

**Uzumaki:** and you know

**Sugamama:** that you secretly love us!! <3 (｀ω´)

**Saltyheadphones:** ew no

**floaty:** im sitting next to him and hes tryin g so hARD TO HIDE HIS SMILE LMAO

**human tangerine:** awwww

**milk:** would you look at that 

**milk:** saltyshima does have a heart

**AsahiProtectionUnit:** awwwww

**Saltyheadphones:** yamaguchi shut up

**floaty:** sorry tsukki （＞ｙ＜）

**Manbun:** guys Daichi wants to speak

**AsahiProtectionUnit:** sorry Asahi :)

**floaty:** sorry Asahi-san, Daichi-san

**SadDad:** thank you

**SadDad:** but um

**SadDad:** i………

**SadDad:** ,,..,.,i seem to...,....,..,,,..

**Baldbutnot:** ??

**enno(shit)a:** yes?

**SadDad:** …have….,..,,,....,.

**Sugamama:** you can do it Daichi

**Sugamama:** i believe in you

**AsahiProtectionUnit:** is that so ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Sugamama:** shut the fuck up

**Uzumaki:** any minute now daichi-san

**SadDad:** ….,..forgotten

**Sugamama:** smooth daichi

**Sugamama:** real smooth

  
**SadDad:** :(


	2. the no.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sugamama: youre a pure cinnamon roll, yamaguchi  
> Sugamama: let the devil incarnate do the cleaning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took a while  
> i was sleepy

**AsahiProtectionUnit:** ok so i can explain

**Sugamama:** no what the hell noya!

**AsahiProtectionUnit:** I said im sorry!!

**Saltyheadphones:** i dont even want to know

**Saltyheadphones:** just continue

**SadDad:** i do

**SadDad:** what happened??

**floaty:** lmao it's great 

**floaty:** you should have seen it

**floaty:** it cracked me up like the egg I am

**enno(shit)a:** what the--

**Sugamama:** Noya, yamaguchi and I were baking a cake for kags birthday

**Saltyheadphones:** i disapprove

**milk:** thank you Suga-san, Noya-san and yamaguchi 

**milk:** damn you glasses

**human tangerine:** awww 

**human tangerine:** a cake 4 kageyama-kun

**Saltyheadphones:** never fucking say '4' instead of 'for' again

**human tangerine:** :(

**Sugamama:** yeah but noya decided it would be a good idea to pour fuCKING SUGAR EVERYWHERE 

**Sugamama:** my parents will be home in lESS THAN 20 MINUTES 

**Sugamama:** what the fuck Noya!

**AsahiProtectionUnit** changed their name to **ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit**

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit :** im sorry I'll clean it!!

**Uzumaki:** that name’s a bit long don't u think?

**floaty:** i guess I have to too :(

**floaty: (** even tho I didn't do anything) 

**floaty:** but im a nice person so lets go

**Sugamama:** youre a pure cinnamon roll, yamaguchi

**Sugamama:** let the devil incarnate do the cleaning

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** oh thanks suga-san 

**SadDad:** ?

**Manbun:** ??

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** where are you? Let me give you the broom

**baldbutnot:** _ LMFAO  _ hoLYT SHIT NOYA

**enno(shit)a:** fuCKING savAGE 

**human tangerine:** huh?

**human tangerine:** i don't get it?

**baldbutnot:** you innocent  _ innocent _ piece of fruit

**baldbutnot:** how pure

**baldbutnot** added  **meowmeow**

**meowmeow:** how pure indeed 

**Saltyheadphones:** ew why would you add him

**meowmeow:** hey tsukki 

**Saltyheadphones:** shut up

**floaty:** yeah! >:c

**meowmeow:** i know you're serious, tsukki's bf, but

**Saltyheadphones:** we're not dating asshole 

**meowmeow:** keep telling yourself that

**meowmeow:** but it's kinda hard when that angry face is fucking adorable

**meowmeow:** (like kenma but nobody needs to know this)

**human tangerine:** kenma?

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** he waS SUMMONED

**meowmeow:** I would ask what's up with your name but tbh I can't be bothered 

**meowmeow:** i am tho gonna ask what the fuck is up with "cawcawmotherfuckas"

**Sugamama:** if you have something to say bring it up with me

**Sugamama:** bitch 

**SadDad:** he's fine really

**SadDad:** he's the one who came up with the name

**SadDad:** im sure the rest is self explanatory 

**meowmeow:** im not criticising

**meowmeow:** if anything I'm approving 

**Saltyheadphones:** someone get rid of him

**Saltyheadphones:** before he does something stupid 

**Saltyheadphones:** but that wouldn't be a surprise 

**meowmeow:** hey!

**human tangerine:** kenma?

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** holy crap he's still at it 

**Uzumaki:** lmfao kags that was the biggest eyeroll I've ever seen

**Uzumaki:** were you even trying to be discreet 

**Sugamama:** lmao someone's jelly 

**human tangerine:** jelly?

**human tangerine:** kenma?

**meowmeow:** god ok 

**meowmeow** added  **Unmotivated**

**Unmotivated:** ugh, ew

**human tangerine:** kenma!!!!! (〇*>∀<)ゞ★☆

**Unmotivated:** i stand corrected

**Saltyheadphones:** i told you all to get rid of him before he did something stupid

**Saltyheadphones:** now you see?

**Sugamama:** you gotta chill dude

**Saltyheadphones:** no.

**floaty:** oof the full stop of finality 

**floaty:** y’all just got smacked with the no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so the kittens join  
> clearly tsukki knows how everything is gonna turn out


	3. Sugawara is a distressed mother and bokUAKA IS REAL OK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meowmeow: oh my loRD HE SAID NOT !!YET!! THIS IS CANON CHANGE MY MIND
> 
> Sugamama: *INCOHERENT SCREECHING*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I opened the document, my mind went blank and I'm sure we all agree the only one to blame is quarantine for taking all my ideas away in exchange for more free time than I can clearly handle.

**baldbutnot:** imagine if we could bend our knees the other way

**meowmeow:** holy shit dude

**Sugamama:** why are you even awake it's 1am 

**Sugamama:** go the fuck to sleep

**baldbutnot:** sorry mum 

_

**baldbutnot:** ok but consider

**Sugamama:** n O 

**Sugamama:** slep you asshole 

**meowmeow:** no wait

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** we gotta hear this suga-san 

**meowmeow:** it sounds promising 

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** and we deserve to know 

**Sugamama:** Im genuinely not sure what you think youve done to 

**Sugamama:** as you so eloquently put it

**Sugamama:** "deserve" to know

**SadDad:** listen to your mother kids

_

**Sugamama:** stop it.

**Sugamama:** I know you guys are private texting

**baldbutnot:** ?!!

**baldbutnot:** how did you know??!

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** you gotta admit that's kinda creepy

**Sugamama:** what can I say

**Sugamama:** my motherly instincts were tingling 

**meowmeow:** what the fuck 

**meowmeow:** wait I've just had a moment of realisation

**meowmeow:** so if the captains are the dads and their setters are the mums 

**baldbutnot:** we know where ur going with this

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** and you are completely correct 

**meowmeow:** does that make me the dad of nekoma and kenMA THE MUM?? OMG ITS A DREAM COME TRUE

**Sugamama:** stop hiding

**Sugamama:** I know all of you are awake 

**Sugamama:** yes, you too asahi

**Sugamama:** im not blind 

**Manbun:** O-o 

**Uzumaki:** what the fuck dude that's really creepy and you can't deny it 

**Sugamama:** i never tried to deny it 

**milk:** ok but that is still quite terrifying

**Saltyheadphones:** im surprised you know what that means

**milk:** ...you-

**human tangerine:** hey! That's mean tsukki!

**Saltyheadphones:** don't fucking call me that

**meowmeow:** (yeah only his boyfriend can!)

**floaty:** we're not dating!!

**Saltyheadphones:** also why are you getting offended shrimp I wasn't even talking to you

**Sugamama:** we're gettING OFF TOPIC GO TO SLEEP

**enno(shit)a:** how about a no

**meowmeow** added  **hoothoot**

**Saltyheadphones:** no stop why do you keep adding more people I didn't sign up for this

**human tangerine:** BOKUTO SAN!! (★^O^★)

**hoothoot:** omg hiNATA MY CROW SON

**Sugamama:** hey back off he's mine

**SadDad:** don't forget about me, you know

**SadDad:** the name says it all

**meowmeow:** ok bokubro down to business 

**hoothoot:** right back at you kubroo 

**baldbutnot:** omg im living for these bro vibes 

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** im jamming to them bro

**Sugamama:** donT JAM

**Sugamama:** SLEEP

**baldbutnot:** how bout you rewind and check ennoshitas text again

**meowmeow:** so in a moment of brilliance (which I'm constantly in) we figured that you are the dad of fukurodani and akaashi is the mum 

**hoothoot:** holy shit dude you right

**hoothoot** added  **IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck**

**Unmotivated:** your name is honestly a mood

**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** you.

**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** I like you.

**hoothoot:** hay kaashi guess what

**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** please enlighten me bokuto-san

**hoothoot:** im the dad of fukurodani and yoURE THE MUM

**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** so we're married?

**hoothoot:** yeS. 

**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** that's a nice thought

**meowmeow:** omg my SHIP

**Sugamama:** saME 

**meowmeow:** i can't wait for it to saIL 

**Sugamama:** SAMEanjajwbwi

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** wait wHAT YOU GUYS  _ AREN'T _ DATING???

**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** no? Not yet?

**baldbutnot:** WHAT  _ REALLY?? _

**meowmeow:** oh my loRD HE SAID NOT  _ YET _ THIS IS CANON CHANGE MY MIND

**Sugamama:** *INCOHERENT SCREECHING* 

**human tangerine:** canon?

**floaty:** oh it's like when a fictional ship is confirmed 

**human tangerine:** yeah I know but

**human tangerine:** we're??not??fictional???

**baldbutnot:** holy cookies and cream bro imagine if we were 

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** heck yeah that would be a dream come true people can see my epic stunts up close and w o r s h i p me

**Uzumaki:** what 

**Uzumaki:** (you ok over there nishinoya?)

**Sugamama:** ok since we seem to have drifted away from my ship 

**Sugamama:** GO TO SLEEP ITS 3 IN THE MORNIBF NOW AND WE HAVE PRACTIVE TOMORROW AND YOURE ALL GINNA BE TIRED SO DONT COME FUCKING CRYING TO ME YOU BITCHES

**enno(shit)a:** the end of that seemed a bit unnecessarily aggressive suga-san 

**Sugamama:** you know I love y'all really

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** yeah but i still take offense to the fact you really believe I don't have enough energy to fill a monster can bc I do I'll have you know

**Manbun:** im not sure if that's a good thing Noya...

**Sugamama:** ok im actually crying at this point 

**Sugamama:** just go to sleep  _ please, my god _

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** ok seriously guys come on let's go to sleep I don't wanna make suga-san cry ;-;

**human tangerine:** yeah :(

**baldbutnot:** don't cry suga! It'll make us sad too!

**Sugamama:** ok thank god (how and why did that work?) goodnight guys 

**milk:** good night!

**human tangerine:** sleep well!!

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** have a wondrous night my dudes

_

**[4:54 am]**

**Sugamama:** …

**Sugamama:** you're all still awake aren't you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this headcannon that suga and kuroo ship the fuck out of bokuaka but you probably already figured that out if you read this chapter
> 
> Also thx to all your nice comments they really boost my morale :)


	4. iwaizumi will never know the reason for noyas name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baldbutnot: noya how could you betray me like this
> 
> ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit: sorry bro but not knowing ocarina of time is an inexcusable crime 
> 
> baldbutnot: fair enough 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me children   
> my brain decided to leave it's home in how-about-you-write street go on vacation but its back now

**human tangerine:** is it just me

**Saltyheadphones:** it is

**Saltyheadphones:** youre delusional

**SadDad:** tsukishima be nice to your brother

**human tangerine:** or does  _ this  _ (͡o‿O͡) look like bokuto-san

**hoothoot:** yeS YOU HAVE FOUND MY BRETHREN

**hoothoot:** WHERE HAS HE BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE??!

**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** it  _ is _ eerily similar to you, bokuto-san

**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** im slightly unnerved

**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** ...and tired

**Unmotivated:** same

**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** but when am i not

**Unmotivated:** but when am i not

**enno(shit)a:** are you guys ok?

**enno(shit)a:** i'm genuinely concerned

**SadDad:** welcome to my world

**milk:** wait daichi-san

**SadDad** : tis I, yes?

**milk:** aren't you and suga-san on a double date with iwaizumi-san and oikawa-san?

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** waIT YOU ARE WHY DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS

**human tangerine:** great king!!

**SadDad:** (just gonna ignore noya over there)

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** hey!!

**SadDad:** also yes kageyama we are

**SadDad:** why?

**milk:** can you tell iwaizumi-san that he owes me £10

**SadDad:** I won't ask why

**SadDad:** but you're always free to tell me 

**SadDad:** y'know cuz why not 

**milk:** in my second year at middle school me and iwaizumi-san made a bet that he would be datibg oikawa-san by the time I got to highschool 

**milk:** i don't know if you can tell but I won

**Uzumaki:** no shit sherlock

**enno(shit)a:** ya don't say

**Saltyheadphones:** I'm honestly so surprised the king knows how bets work

**milk:** fuck off 

**Saltyheadphones:** now now that's not very nice is it?

**SadDad:** I'm too tired to deal with this 

**SadDad:** me and iwaizumi-san are so awkward istg suga and oikawa can't stop talking 

**SadDad:** suffer with me my children

**SadDad** added  **boikawa** and  **Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa**

**Saltyheadphones:** for fucks sake I'm calling it this is gonna come back to bite you all in the ass

**SadDad:** i honestly don't expect any less

**Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa:** no

**Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa:** I just read above kageyama I owe you nothing

**milk:** but iwaizumi-san you really do

**boikawa:** wait you guys maDE A BET ABOUT IWACHAN DATING ME??

**Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa:** no 

**milk:** yes 

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** …

**floaty:** …

**milk:** ...I have proof iwaizumi-san 

**Saltyheadphones:** no wait don't dO IT 

**milk:** HEpkeBfehwEOwEBbsjbskabskJn sk

**meowmeow:** holy crap b r o you  _ cannot  _ argue with that proof.

**floaty:** in case anybody is worried for kageyama's health

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** *snickers * kaGAYama 

**Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa:** what the hell happened for your name to transform into that monstrosity?

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** wouldn't you like to know weather boy 

**floaty:** tsukki, hinata, kags and I were walking home together from practice 

**meowmeow:** correct grammar yes I approve of you as tsukki's bf 

**floaty:** ( _ best _ friend)

**meowmeow:** denial won't get you anywhere kid 

**milk:** gavw#kwn shsvu%Kiavvqhvqj.'uddfv

**floaty:** anyhoo tsukki attacked kageyama before he could add anyone else

**floaty:** I've never seen him like this and it's cracking me up so hard l-fucking-mao

**Manbun:** does...does anyone really care about Kageyama dying in the back?

**Saltyheadphones:** do you want me to answer honestly?

**Uzumaki:** oof brutal 

**milk:** ...piece of shit

**human** **tangerine:** can we just go home now 

**baldbutnot:** "we"?

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** suspish 

**Unmotivated:** *whispering* orange sus 

**SadDad:** im gonna destroy my lungs with how deeply i sigh nowadays

**Sugamama:** wait 

**Sugamama:** how did this conversation start

**Sugamama:** did I just miss all the tea

**boikawa:** D:

**Sugamama:** what the fuck did I do to deserve this

**SadDad:** you came over once and stole all my ice cream that's plenty enough of a reason in my eyes 

**Sugamama:** it was chocoLATE CHIP YOU CANT BLAME ME

**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck** : he's not wrong 

**Sugamama:** ^ see

**SadDad:** im still living up to my name 

**Uzumaki:** who's fault is that tho 

**Uzumaki:** you chose to adopt us 

**SadDad:** :(

**Saltyheadphones:** is it too late to be unadopted 

**enno(shit)a:** welcome to hell where the exit is unheard of

**Sugamama:** gotta admit I wasn't expecting that one from ennoshita

**Unmotivated:** i was bored and my ds died whilst I was playing ocarina of time 

**baldbutnot:** what's ocarina of time 

**boikawa:** you're joking right 

**Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa:** how do you not know this?

**Sugamama:** im disappointed 

**milk:** same 

**human tangerine:** same

**Saltyheadphones:** same

**floaty:** same

**hoothoot:** same

**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** same

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** same

**Manbun:** same

**baldbutnot:** holy shit guys chill 

**baldbutnot:** even asahi 

**baldbutnot:** noya how could you betray me like this

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** sorry bro but not knowing ocarina of time is an inexcusable crime 

**baldbutnot:** fair enough 

**Unmotivated:** it's a zelda game you uncultured swine 

**Unmotivated:** the best franchise to ever exist asshole 

**meowmeow:** i just heard kenma growl lmao I'm dying 

**Sugamama:** you guys live together?? 

**meowmeow:** not yet 

**Unmotivated:** you're such an idiot stop grinning like that

**enno(shit)a:** aw the fond "youre such an idiot"

**meowmeow:** he came over to chill 

**Sugamama:** ah that makes much more sense 

**meowmeow:** should I be offended? I honestly can't tell

**human tangerine:** hey guys wasn't kenma going to say something before?

**hoothoot:** oh yeaH 

**Unmotivated:** yeah so I was bored after my ds died and decided to read past messages and kuroo no

**meowmeow:** I already know what you're talking about and yes

**floaty:** ??

**Unmotivated:** i am not the mum 

**meowmeow:** but you are

**Unmotivated:** then what is yaku?

**meowmeow:** …

**meowmeow:** I'm still not wrong 

**Unmotivated** added  **yaku-na-matata**

**Saltyheadphones** left  **cawcawmotherfuckas**

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** lmao it was bound to happen eventually 

**floaty** added  **Saltyheadphones**

**Saltyheadphones:** if you don't let me put myself out of my misery so help me 

**Yaku-na-matata:** what is this

**Yaku-na-matata:** and what is the name

**Yaku-na-matata:** also kuroo kenmas right

**meowmeow:** what??

**hoothoot:** lmAO 

**boikawa:** ooh the tea 

**meowmeow:** lev will agree with me 

**Yaku-na-matata:** add him and I'll kill you myself

**Sugamama:** wow ok I can immediately tell there's sexual tension between you and lev 

**Yaku-na-matata:** what 

**meowmeow** added  **daddylonglegs**

**Yaku-na-matata:** now you die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> watch twosetviolin  
> yes, i love the legend of zelda   
> also did anybody catch a reference i made to a show? (i'll give you a clue: tsukki said it)


	5. Yaku brutally murders Kuroo but what's new

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saltyheadphones: every time you use a word with more than five letters I get unbelievably surprised
> 
> SadDad: oof dude thats a lot of damage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just went on a shopping spree for books please help me
> 
> Sorry for the wait I decided to do my hobby which turns out to be violent procrastination.

**daddylonglegs:** hi 

  


**Yaku-na-matata:** ew 

  


**daddylonglegs:** hi yaku-san!! :D

  


**Yaku-na-matata:** disgustANG 

  


**daddylonglegs:** D:

  


**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** did you 

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** did you just

  


**Baldbutnot:** me me?

  


**SadDad:** im not ready for another day of this chat

**SadDad:** may the volleyball goddess help me

  


**Sugamama:** you can always  _ leave  _ the chat you know

  


**SadDad:** why would I want to do that

**SadDad:** are you just trying to get rid of me

**SadDad:** i see how it is 

  


**Sugamama:** wot 

  


**SadDad:** i thought we had a connection 

**SadDad:** was i…………..wrong all along??

  


**Sugamama:** daichi my love you certainly have a flair for the dramatics 

  


**SadDad:** *puts hand on forehead, closes eyes and leans back* i know 

  


**Sugamama:** my heart just exploded 

**Sugamama:** now there's confetti, the incredibly high expectations of thousands and daichi pictures everywhere 

  


**Enno(shit)a:** something tells me even if I ask about the ‘high expectations of thousands’ i wont get an answer that doesn't violently worry me

  


**Sugamama:** yes

**Sugamama:** but daichi is with me so I can just dump them all on him

  


**SadDad:** i gotchu, sugar

  


**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** *puts hand on forehead, closes eyes and leans back* ah young love 

  


**Boikawa:** *puts hand on forehead, closes eyes and leans back* such a beautiful thing

  


**meowmeow:** *puts hand on forehead, closes eyes and leans back* mayonnaise 

  


**floaty:** ???¿?¿

  


**SadDad:** why must you clown me so

  


**Enno(shit)a:** is daichi-san actually ok??

**Enno(shit)a:** is

**Enno(shit)a:** is this a normal thing??

  


**Sugamama:** leave my soulmate alone and let him enjoy his random bursts of drama

  


**Boikawa:** that was so cute~

**Boikawa:** iwa-chaaaaan <333

  


**Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa:** oh no 

  


**Saltyheadphones:** lmao 

  


**Boikawa:** why don't you ever call me your soulmate?? ;-;

  


**Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa:** *sighs almost as deep as daichi does daily*

  


**SadDad:** oh god someone check if his lungs haven't collapsed 

  


**Enno(shit)a:** at this point nothing can make me  _ not _ be concerned about everyone in this chat

  


**human tangerine:** D:

  


**Enno(shit)a:** except hinata 

  


**human tangerine:** :D

  


**Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa:** <3

  


**Sugamama:** awwww iwaoi is loving each other and im liVING FOR IT

  


**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** do you just have ship names for everyone you like together?

  


**Sugamama:** let me live, akaashi, let me live

  


**Boikawa:** wheiwbdisvauwvwidanaksbwlkvaIABKABjvwkabakBjsbaibsosnsj help me

  


**Saltyheadphones:** …

**Saltyheadphones:** what the actual fuck was that

  


**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** he most likely died from affection overload 

**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** tho you should know this tsukki (｀∀´)Ψ

  


**Saltyheadphones:** ??

  


**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** don't you feel it every time yamaguchi smiles at you??

  


**floaty:** *chokes and dies*

  


**meowmeow:** hahahHAHA it's true theN 

  


**Saltyheadphones:** shut the fuck up you wet sock 

  


**Baldbutnot:** tsukiyAMA--

  


**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** \--liVES 

  


**Uzumaki:** 'wet sock' 

**Uzumaki:** thats a new one 

  


**milk:** tsukiyama?

**milk:** i too ship 

**milk:** anything that pisses that expired milk carton off brings me joy

**Sugamama:** wOAH WHEN DID KAGAYAMA GET SO AGGRessive??

  


**Uzumaki:** 'expired milk carton'

**Uzumaki:** hmm 

**Uzumaki:** must mean a lot coming from the guy literally named milk 

  


**human tangerine:** why is yamaguchi so red??

**human tangerine:** wait no 

**human tangerine:** why are they both so red??

  


**meowmeow:** bhabHnxacjaJkhahAHAH they're like fucking yaku and leV I CANT

**meowmeow:** neither of theM WILL ADMIT THEIR FEELINGSS haughvavHvahb

  


**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** therES NO ESCAPE

  


**Yaku-na-matata:** i could say the same.

  


**Unmotivated:** kuroo look up

  


**meowmeow:** ?

**meowmeow:** no wai t 

**meowmeow:** kenmahelplhmef

**meowmeow:** xbiannp anhdd ke

  


**daddylonglegs:** kuroo-san!! 

  


**Unmotivated:** yaku killed kuroo in case anybody was wondering

  


**Saltyheadphones:** well isn't that a relief 

  


**Boikawa:** omg 

  


**Enno(shit)a:** he's back from the dead

  


**Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa:** thats just the kind of power he holds

  


**Sugamama:** holy shit that was so sweet

  


**milk:** i didn't know iwaizumi-san could show affection to oikawa-san

  


**Saltyheadphones:** every time you use a word with more than five letters I get unbelievably surprised

  


**SadDad:** oof dude thats a lot of damage

  


**Boikawa:** wait wait

**Boikaea:** wait

**Boikawa:** so if those two aren't actually dating

**Boikawa:** who here is??????

  


**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** yes, I'm confused too

  


**Yaku-na-matata:** this chat is a train wreck 

  


**meowmeow:** im alive! 

**meowmeow:** severely injured

  


**Saltyheadphones:** thank goodness for that

  


**meowmeow:** ...but alive!

**meowmeow:** im p sure you're meant to send a caring message like that after my first text tsuki ;-;

  


**Saltyheadphones:** i make no mistakes

  


**meowmeow:** damn bro (T-T)

  


**hoothoot:** im happy you're alive bro!!

  


**meowmeow:** bokuto my guy!!

  


**Unmotivated:** same

  


**meowmeow:** *gasps*

  


**Unmotivated:** wait no I wasn't meant to send that

  


**Sugamama:** *sips tea*

  


**Boikawa:** *sips tea two*

  


**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** *sips tea four*

  


**Enno(shit)a:** its three but sure

  


**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** how could you expect me to be mainstream ennoshita-san??

  


**Enno(shit)a** : fair point

  


**meowmeow:** keNMA what did you say???

  


**Unmotivated:** nothing 

  


**meowmeow:** nuh uh you said 'same'

  


**Unmotivated:** no I didnt 

  


**meowmeow:** KENMA <333

  


**Unmotivated:** sigh 

  


**daddylonglegs:** aww kenma-san smiled so sweetly at his phone 

  


**SadDad:** why is this chat being so romantic and sweet today

  


**Sugamama:** enjoy the change while it lasts

**Sugamama:** something tells me this won't live for long 

  


**Boikawa:** noboDY ANSWERED MY QUESTION

**Boikawa:** who in this chat iS FUCKING DATING I NEED TO KNOW

  


**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** i, too, require this knowledge 

  


**Sugamama:** why are you speaking so ancient??

  


**IHaveADegreeIni-dont-give-a-fuck:** let me live, suga-san, let me live

  


**Sugamama:** *gasp* my own words--

  


**Enno(shit)a:** basically suga-san and daichi-san are dating

  


**Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa:** isn't that a surprise

  


**Enno(shit)a:** iwaizumi-san and oikawa-san are also dating

  


**Boikawa:** isnt that a surprise 

  


**Enno(shit)a:** and everyone else are oblivious little shits who can't get their acts together and enjoy making me suffer 

  


**Boikawa:** wait so the smol lil libero and the sweet guy with the manbun aren't dating either??

  


**ApologeticAsahiProtectionUnit:** *chokes and dies*

  


**Baldbutnot:** *gives cpr* it's ok noya it wasnt really a secret 

**Baldbutnot:** it's as obvious as everyone else's 

  


**Manbun:** *chokes and dies* 

  


**Boikawa:** so thats a no then 

**Boikawa:** im guessing that means kagayama and shrimp haven't realised their feelings either then?

  


**Sugamama:** pretty much 

**Sugamama:** its so painful watching everyone pine I might as well cry 

  


**SadDad:** would you like a hug 

  


**Sugamama:** yes

  


**Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa:** shittykawa don't do it 

  


**meowmeow:** ??

  


**Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa:** he has that evil smirk on his goddamn beautiful face

  


**Boikawa:** mwUAHAHAHAH :D

  


**Baldbutnot:** what the fuck

**Baldbutnot** : the smiley face doesn’t fit there and it scares me

  


**Boikawa:** we need more official couples here

  


**Saltyheadphones:** no

**Saltyheadphones:** you’d better fucking not

  


**Boikawa:** i know just who we need

  


**Godzillaisbetterthanoikawa:** oh no

  


**Boikawa** added  **Noone**

  


**Boikawa** added  **Notwo**

  


**Notwo:** *puts hand on forehead, closes eyes and leans back* whats up

  


**Noone:** *puts hand on forehead, closes eyes and leans back* bitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched jujutsu kaisen and it was so much better than expected omG!! Gojo is so fricken coolll mannn!!! also help me i started yugioh and have very likely fallen in love with yami <3 ^^ 
> 
> DorO MONSTA CARDO

**Author's Note:**

> stay safe kids  
> if you let me know what you think, i'll smile :)  
> i like smiling


End file.
